Headlines for: 04-19-2001

SEQUEL TO GASSY CD: IT’S A GUT-WRENCHING PIECE LOS ANGELES (Wireless Flash) – After making a big noise with an all- flatulent CD that features nothing but the sounds of passing gas, a Los Angeles man says he’s cut another one.

ERIN BROCKOVICH A BETTER MUM THAN QUEEN ELIZABETH? SAN FRANCISCO (Wireless Flash) – England may be the “Mother Country” but that doesn’t mean the Queen is a good sexual role model for her children.

BIOLOGIST TO KNOCK OUT LOCH NESS MONSTER WITH RADAR TOKYO (Wireless Flash) – This may alarm any Loch Ness Monster buffs: A Japanese biologist hopes to stun the creature with powerful radar to prove it doesn’t exist.

PAUL WILLIAMS: ‘I’VE ONLY JUST BEGUN’ LOS ANGELES (Wireless Flash) – Composer Paul Williams will be inducted into the Songwriters Hall Of Fame in June, but he claims he’s only just begun to feel like a songwriter.

CONDOM CAMPAIGN RUBS PRO-LIFE GROUP WRONG WAY WASHINGTON (Wireless Flash) – A pro-life group is being rubbed the wrong way by a free condom giveaway that’s being endorsed by Planned Parenthood and the Dave Matthews Band.

KIDS VOLUNTARILY GIVE UP TELEVISION WAUCONDA, Ill. (Wireless Flash) – It sounds like something out of the X Files, but some elementary students are giving up television and are upset because they aren’t getting enough homework.

TV MAGICIAN STILL TURNING TRICKS CHICAGO (Wireless Flash) – Old dogs can’t learn new tricks but old magicians can. Case in point: 66-year-old Marshall Brodien. Back in the 1970s, Brodien was known for his commercials for “TV Magic

APE CO-STARS DROVE MARK WAHLBERG BANANAS NEW YORK (Wireless Flash) – Actor Mark Wahlberg almost went bananas while filming Planet Of The Apes. Wahlberg tells the upcoming Entertainment Weekly that he nearly had

COW CHIP THROWING CONTEST BEAVER, Okla. (Wireless Flash) – This is no bull – the town of Beaver, Oklahoma, will be hosting the World Cow Chip Throwing Championship tomorrow.