| Jokes Top100 |
| Jokes Portal! |
 |
| Humor Resources! | |||||
|
101
The American myth is that every boy can grow up to be President.
The reality now is that the boy doesn't have to grow up?!
100
Q: Why did Barbara Bush run to her son's side?
A: To wash out his mouth with soap.
Q: What does little GW wear underneath his suit and tie?
A: Short pants.
99
Years ago, three Yale students went down South,
got drunk the first day and woke up in jail. They
found out that they were to be executed for their crimes
but none of them could remember what they had done.
The first one was strapped in the electric chair and
was asked if he had any last words. He said, "I am
from the Yale Divinity School and I believe in the
almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the
innocent." The Southern Bubbas threw the switch and
nothing happened, so they figured God must not have
wanted this guy to die, so they let him go.
The second one was strapped in and gave his last
words. "I am from the Yale Law School and I believe
in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the
part of the innocent." The switch was thrown
and again nothing happened. The Bubbas figured that
the law was on this guy's side, so they let him go.
The last one was strapped in and said, "You dumb
Bubbas, my dad is George Herbert Walker Bush, ever
heard of him? And another thing, I'll tell you dumb
rednecks right now, you'll never electrocute anybody
if you don't connect those two wires..." And he
laughed. His last words to the Bubbas were, "And
people say, I'm dumb."
Well, you know the rest of the story. The Good
Lord looks out for drunks and fools."
98
Years ago, a teacher in a minority school was quizzing
her students. "Jefferson, who signed the
Declaration
of Independence?"
Little Jefferson said, "Damn, if I know!"
The teacher was a little upset by young Jefferson
cussing and told him to go home and not to return
without a responsible adult.
Well, Little Jefferson's parents were at work, but
his tutor was in the neighborhood. A hour later, the
tutor George W. Bush, who was doing community service,
rather, working in the community to make himself a
responsible, compassionate rich kid, came with
young Jefferson and sat in the back of the room to
observe.
The teacher had gone to another subject, from civics
to math, but went back civics to quiz young Jefferson.
"Now, Jefferson, I'll ask you again. Who signed
the
Declaration of Independence?"
"Well, hell, teacher," Jefferson said, "I told
you I
didn't know."
The boy's tutor, George W jumped up in the back,
pointed a stern finger at the kid, and said,
"Jefferson, what did I tell you? If you've done wrong,
you've got to fess up? Jeff, did you sign that darn
thing?"
97
At Yale young Waldolph Collinsworth was taking an
important mid-term exam. If he failed, he would be on academic
probation and would not be allowed to play in frat partying games
the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank and was
given to spoiled, not too bright, rich kids who had rich daddies
and
granddaddies.
The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _______."
Young Collinsworth was stumped. He had no idea of the answer.
He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.
Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped another
student taking the exam,
George W. Bush,the sion of another wealthy family, on the
shoulder.
Pssst. GW. What's the answer to the last question?"
Young GW Bush laughed. He looked around to make sure the
professor hadn't noticed, then he turned to Waldolph.
"Wally, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old
MacDonald had a farm."
"Oh yeah," said Waldolph. "I remember
now."
He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer
in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap young Bush's shoulder
again, he whispered, "G.W., how do you spell
farm?"
"You are really dumb, Wally. That's so easy. Farm is spelled
- E-I-E-I-O."
96
"Mommy, Mommy: Can I go and play at my friend's
house?"
Little Georgy W. Bush asked his mother Barbara, when he
was a little tyke.
"Of course, but don't cross the road till a car goes
by,
then you cross it," his kind mother said.
So Little Georgy went out of the house. After a few
hours, Mommy Barbara waited anxiously for her little
boy to come home. Then she found Little Georgy outside
their house. "Why are you still here?" Mommy
Barbara
asked.
Little Georgy W replied, "No car has passed by yet. So
I haven't crossed the road."
95
George W. Bush is in a bar when a man comes in with a
huge fish in one hand. George W says, "Wow! how did
you
get that?"
The man says, "Well, I got my friend to lower me over
the side of a bridge and when I saw a fish I grabbed
it and called to be pulled up."
George W is impressed and decides to try it with a
fellow Texan. They're leaning over a bridge when
he yells out, "Quick!! Pull me up!"
His friend goes "Why, have you got a fish?"
George W replies, "No! There's a train coming!"
94
George W Bush walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza.
When the pizza is done, he goes up to the counter get
it. There a clerk asks him: "Should I cut it into six
pieces or eight pieces?"
George W: "I'm feeling rather hungry right now. You'd
better cut it into eight pieces."
93
George W Bush, during his young and wild years,
sometime
before he was forty, and during the years he won't talk
about, sometime during the what? Twenty or so years ago,
he was in a bar when a man and his wife entered and sat
next to him. Well, Good Ole George W, had had more than
a few. He was drunk. Suddenly, he stood up and yelled,
"ATTENTION ALL" and broke wind loudly.
The wife became extremely embarrassed, and the husband
looked at Good Old G.W. and said, " Excuse me Sir,
that's terribly rude, you just broke wind before my
wife."
Good ole G.W. replied," I'm sorry, I didn't know it
was
her turn."
92
After dinner one evening a George W. Bush was entertaining
their house guest by playing the piano. At one point he
turned to the visitor, a fat conservative talk show host,
and
said, "I understand you love music."
"Yes," murmured the guest politely. "But
never you mind.
Keep right on playing ..."
91
George W Bush walks into a bar with a little turtle
in his hand. The turtle's one eye is black and blue,
two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is
taped together with duct tape.
The bartender asks the man: "What is wrong with
your turtle?"
"Nothing", George W. responds, "This turtle is
very
fast. Take your dog and let him stand at the end of
the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the
room and call your dog. Before your dog reaches you,
my turtle will be there."
So the bartender, wanting to see this, calls his dog
over (who was at the piano playing requests for tips).
The bartender went to the other side of the bar and
called his dog. Then suddenly George W. picked up his
turtle and threw it across the room, narrowly missing
the bartender, and smashing into the wall.
"Told you it'll be there before your dog."
90
The head of the BOYS BOOT CAMP addressed the new boys:
"Some of you young drunks, date rapers, crackheads and
coke
fiends maybe future U.S. presidents, still this boot camp will
show
you no favor!!!"
89
The doorbell rang and the gent of the house, discovered a
workman,
complete with tool chest, on the front porch.
"Governor," he announced, "I'm the piano
tuner."
The gent exclaimed, "Why, I didn't send for a piano
tuner."
The man replied, "I know you didn't, but your party
did."
88
George W. Bush died & went on to the Great Beyond. As
he
approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was
bare with no greenery.He remarked to the gate keeper,
"Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas."
The gatekeeper replied, "First of all, I'm not Saint
Peter... and second, you really don't know where you are at
all, do you ?"
87
A researcher called G. W. Bush house in Austin. G. W
was sleeping in late and was awaken by the call. He was
half-asleep when he answered the phone.
Researcher: Excuse me, sir. I'm conducting a survey
GW Bush: Questions? No political questions.
Reseacher: Political, sir?
GW Bush: Do you know who you are calling?
Researcher: We call numbers at random, sir. May I ask --
GW Bush: What is this about?
Researcher: We are asking people do they think COKE beats
PEPSI.
GW BUSH: I've never tried pepsi. Is that a new
thing?
86
A Texas friend and Bush supporter was heard shouting,
"
Stop trashing Governor Bush! Give the man a break! If you
drank
as much booze as him, and snorted as much coke, you wouldn't
remember when you stopped either! Or if you have!"
85
President Bush, the elder, advised his son, Little George,
"Junior,
just tell them you weren't in the loop."
George Junior replied, "Honestly, Dad, I don't
remember."
84
This morning George W. Bush looked in the mirror and saw that
he was wearing Bill Clinton's face!
83