Reported by Joshua Liao
Editor's note: Unlike some stories on this website, this article is 100% pure facts. Philippine Daily Inquirer, our president's favorite newspaper, also carried the story recently. The headline of its 12/12/99 issue screams "Big jellyfish eyed in Luzon Blackout." Still doubting? Why don't you check for yourself?
Pangasinan, Philippines, Earth--Giant mutant jellyfish launched a commando-style attack on the Sual Power Plant last December 10 at 7:51 PM, killing twenty-six persons and causing a power blackout over the whole island of Luzon, to the chargin of people who wanted to watch the Friday NBA game on Star Sports.
Initial reports reveal that the big army of about 1500 giant jellyfish, clothed in kevlar and combat boots and armed with M16 rifles, gained access into the power plant through the cooling system ducts, which was reportedly unguarded.
The jellyfish took the plant's technical and security staff hostage, called up President Estrada at his hangout, and demanded his immediate resignation. Mr. Estrada, thinking it was a prank call, hanged up on the jellyfish. This apparently angered the jellyfish, and they started killing off the hostages one by one, until all twenty-six of them are dead.
Then, at around 8:10 PM, the mutant creatures attached C4 explosives to the generator, called up the president, and threatened to blow up the plant unless he resigns. Again, Mr. Estrada hanged up on them.
After five minutes, the jellyfish detonated the C4. Fortunately, the explosives were still wet after being transported through the sea water, and the explosion was limited. However, the generator was destroyed, and the whole Luzon was somehow plunged into darkness. The blackout lasted several hours and caused huge traffic jams in Metro Manila.
Investigators linked the attack to the plot by certain parties to destabilize the government. Former president Fidel Ramos was allegedly behind the plot.
52 giant jellyfish have been captured and locked up at the New Bilibid Prison maximum security compound. They are currently being tortured by the police in an effort to extract confessions that will incriminate the masterminds behind the attack.
President Estrada said that there is no cause for public concern. He promised to finish his term. He also challenged the jellyfish to a boxing match. "Suntukan na lang tayo, ano," he said.