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I went to school so long ago, Ethics was a required course. --H. Myles Jacob |
Sunday, July 23, 2000 Graduate School Criteria Star Trek's computers can't come soon enough for me. Well, okay, that might not be true, in general. Fact is, computers that powerful give the Luddite in me the willies. But I've been scrounging around for graduate school information, and it would be really nice if I could just tell the computer what my dream school would be like, and have it spit back information on all the schools that come close to my criteria. Instead, I feel a bit like I'm combing through a massive sand dune with a small plastic fork. I'm starting out using the "ski-slope" method. When I was in high school, my English teacher advocated using entirely arbitrary criteria to narrow our college choices down. For example, his son (if I recall correctly) wanted to be near a ski slope, so that knocked out a whole bunch of schools right off the bat. So here, for the sake of the argument, is what my ideal school would be like. It's as good a starting point as any, as I get my bearings; I can always get more realistic later.
My ideal school would be based in a major city in the United States. There is much to be said for staying in New York; there is much to be said for getting out of New York. I'm prepared to be flexible on the exact city. However, my dwelling (henceforth defined as "my apartment," because I've had quite enough of shared living arrangements, thank you very much) would have to be located within walking distance of a kosher pizza shop and a 24-hour deli or grocery of some sort. The former is non-negotiable; the latter will be compromised upon only with great reluctance. My ideal school would offer a doctorate in my field. Said field is a bit messily defined, but might fit most neatly into a literature program focused on feminist theory. If a hybrid program combining sociolinguistics, women's studies, cultural criticism, literary study, and creative non-fiction is available, so much the better. (I am, in other words, open to the possibility of either a "normal" English degree of some sort, or an interdisciplinary program.) My ideal school would be a private school. I have nothing at all against public schools; I'm in one right now, and have been enjoying the experience. I don't think private schools are inherently better... but I do think they're different, and I'd like to experience both worlds. My ideal school would be associated with a college in England, and would offer a study abroad program in which I could study in the UK for a year, and have the credit applied to my American degree. Initial scouting on the Web suggests that this is not implausible, although it's certainly going to complicate matters. Oh, and my ideal school would take advantage of their option of using me as cheap slave labor, and pay me a pittance for attending and assisting, rather than charging me tuition. (With the probable exception of that year in England; I don't expect to be that lucky.) Now why can't I just type the above into a nice form on the Web, bomp the nearby button, and get an instant readout of whether this is possible, and where to apply? I know, I know, I'm spoiled. In the Old Days, they didn't even have the Web. They had to use books and catalogues and stuff. Although I suspect I'm going to resort to that myself, as I feel more at home with paper.
In other news, I've been looking over the GRE stuff. The GRE is the grad school equivalent of the SAT; it's a standardized mutiple-choice test on general verbal, analytical, and mathematical skills. I've got to brush up on my math -- it's been about a decade since I've needed to use anything more advanced than algebra -- but it doesn't look like it's going to be much of a problem. If I'm smart, I'll look over the reading and analytical questions also, but I'm pretty confident about my ability to handle those, probably to the extent of overconfidence. The annoying thing is that they've abolished the paper-and-pencil GRE in favor of a computerized version. The way the new system works, you can't skip around or go back, which completely cuts against the way I usually handle examinations... but I'll manage. On the bright side, this makes it possible for them to give the test all the time, instead of a few days a year. On the other hand, I may need to take the GRE English Literature subject test, which is paper-and-pencil, but which appears to be a fairly useless pain in the neck, largely intended to judge whether students are familiar with the basic works in The Canon and various schools of literary criticism. If I'm going to take this, I'm going to have to get familiar with more of The Canon. An afternoon or two of rummaging through all the Cliff's Notes in the library would probably suffice, and may be in the cards. I'm reluctant to do that, 'cause I'd hate to ruin the experience of eventually reading all these works... on the other hand, time is limited, and there's no way I'd be able to read 'em all properly in time for this test. Decisions, decisions... (My belief that skimming through summaries would suffice goes a long way toward explaining why I think this test is a fairly useless pain in the neck.)
As for the camp paper, four issues down, five to go. The latest one turned out to be quite surprisingly good, especially when you consider that this past Thursday -- when I wrote the whole thing -- was a fast day. Not having any food wasn't really a problem (or especially unusual, to tell the truth), but the lack of liquids was torture. In the paper itself, it was claimed that I was taking a rest, and two of my fictional characters were putting the paper together for me, as, being minors, they were too young to fast. It'd be nice if I really could get them to do all the work, without having to do the typing myself.
Somewhat ironically, this week's paper included a paid advertisement for a child-safe Internet provider. I'm not clear on whether it works through filtering, by allowing access only to sites known to be safe, or through some other method. Not that I have a problem with parents opting for such a service if they want to... it's just another sign of the occasionally surreal contrast between my day job and my volunteer work on the Web.
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